The week started like any other, really. I had actually been feeling kind of down - nothing out of the ordinary but letting the so-called little things get to me. Feeling exhausted and cranky and not sleeping well...by Wednesday, I was in a certifiable bad mood.
Then...a phone call.
My uncle died very suddenly of a heart attack.
Wow. As expected, it's when these things happen that it feels like being hit by a tonne of bricks and puts life right back into perspective. All of the things that I had let get to me seemed pretty darn insignificant very quickly.
Shock, grief, and sadness...it's hard to talk or write about it without somehow diminishing it.
What I will say is...
I think the best way to honour a person's memory is to try to live your life in the best way possible.
My uncle-particularly in his heyday-was an active, adventurous person. Loved to travel, loved to spend time with family and friends, and loved to laugh.
That is truly the way I want to live the rest of my life.
If there is a "highlight reel" that you have when you die where you see your life flash before your eyes, I doubt any of the highlights are the time spent in front of the computer or the days working late, or any of those little annoyances that seem to drain so much of our energy. No...I'm pretty sure that the highlight reel of your life must be...family holidays, first kisses, births, weddings, laughs with friends...I think the list could go on and on but I'm willing to bet it wouldn't include any of the things that I have let overwhelm me and stress me out way too often.
Over the past few days while dealing with the shock of this loss and feeling regret about the "what ifs", and also dealing with the fear that comes from losing another person close to me so suddenly...I'm trying to remind myself...life is pretty short...and we need to LIVE it.
I went for a slow, easy run yesterday. I say slow and easy because I honestly didn't look at my watch much and I just went down to the bay and back. The bay holds a lot of memories for my family and I...picnics, boat trips, swimming, etc....my "highlight reel" will be full of memories from this place...and it was without a doubt, my uncle's favourite place to be.
As I was running, I breathed deeply and thought about each step. I am so lucky that I can keep running. I am so lucky to have an active and enjoyable life and be surrounded by people who love me and who I love back. My goal each day will not be to just check things off my to-do list. My goal will be to try to approach each day with a lighter heart and a calmer soul.
