Las Vegas and...lessons learned?! (yes, really!)

Last Friday, hubs and I flew to Las Vegas.  A week of holidays awaited us...one of the main reasons we ended up planning it for this week was so I could run in the Rock 'n Roll Las Vegas Half Marathon on the Sunday evening and then enjoy the rest of the week in Vegas, siteseeing and just relaxing.

From the beginning, it was a bit of an adjustment for me.  This trip marked only my 2nd time EVER on a plane (not that I'm afraid of flying...we just tend to do road trips for vacations...) and my first "destination" race so even simple things like getting used to the 3 hour time difference made me glad that we got to LV on Friday night, giving us some time to adjust to everything. 

All in all...it was a fun race albeit I have some mixed emotions about it. 

I was VERY nervous and while I'd be the first to admit I'm not generally a morning runner or a even a morning person (ask my hubby and he'll tell you! ha ha!), I realized that the pitfalls of running an evening race is...lots and lots of time for nerves to build up.  Yep, nervous as HECK!

  Perhaps due to poor planning on my part, I didn't really think about what / how / when I would fuel for this race.  Typically when I run my long runs on the weekend, I stick to coffee, plain cereal, water...then I'm out the door (with gels and water for the road)...but a run later on threw me for a loop.  I essentially ate breakfast for lunch...but then questioned whether I should have something a bit closer to my run (I realized later, because I didn't actually start running until 5:00, that I should have had something mid-afternoon).

The half started at 4:30 but participants were to be in their corrals for 4:00.  Hubby and I walked down to the start area around 3:30 to be sure we knew where we were going.  He left once I got to my corral around 4:00 and I quickly realized that I would be standing there.  A. Long. Time.

I'm a pretty patient person and I honestly find it so interesting and fun to be around so many runners.  Sometimes, I still don't consider myself a "runner" so I almost feel like I don't belong but on the flip side of that, it's always inspiring to me to see all the different shapes, sizes, ages, etc out there and just running.  Still, there's only so much inspiration one can take prior to a race...I was in Corral 19 (corrals were based on predicted finish time) so by the time I got to the start gate, it was a little after 5:00 pm.  This is not surprising, given the thousands of participants who were there...but for some reason, I felt like it threw me...I felt a bit deflated after waiting and waiting and once I got going, my legs felt heavy and the sheer closeness of the other runners....well, for lack of better term...annoyed me! LOL   Again, nothing to fault the organizers of the race...but perhaps my own mental preparation...and even physical preparation.

The run itself was fun and a bit surreal.  Definitely the busiest run I've ever taken part in.  The wind was insane, so many of the mile markers were no longer up (which I didn't think would throw me since I had my Garmin, but I missed having that visual reminder).  At about 5km, I was just over 32:00, but knew this would not be my best race.  I took less walk breaks than I typically do and I know now that this was a mistake.  I was feeling pretty good early on and feeling like I needed to make up for lost time.  Not a smart move.  My pacing felt all over the place and I also made the mistake of looking at my watch A LOT ...I think because the mile markers weren't there...and also because I noticed that the satellite signals would come and go and that annoyed me! LOL  Then, as I headed into the last 7 km or so of the run, I realized any annoyances I previously had really didn't matter because the damn wind was just going to suck the life out of me anyway!!! Running against the wind is always something that I find very disheartening...I think mostly because it feels like maximum effort gets you nowhere.  I pushed...and felt at the time that I was giving it my all...but alas, the clock would tell a different story.

When it's all said and done, I finished with a time of 2:22:26.  The time itself  initially disappointed me because I had hoped to match (or slightly better) my time of 2:14 at the Army run in Sept.  After a bit of time and some reflection...and a super fun week in Vegas after the race...I think I realized that those races that are less than stellar are just as important as the ones that set PR's, etc.  I learned a lot from this run--the factors that are out of my control and the ones that I do control.  I totally can control my attititude and positivity level.  My inital reaction was disappointment with the time, but you know what?  It is what it is, and what an experience it was.  I did enjoy it (despite what this post might read like...trust me, it was FUN!) and I learned so much.  I also realized that one of the things I need to work on in running (and life, in general) -- is to just stop being so hard on myself.  Sometimes it's okay to enjoy, without having expectations attached.

 

With another half under my belt, I look forward to the next challenge.  After all, it's all about putting one foot in front of the other.

Staying Positive and Looking Ahead...

Some days, it feels like such an effort to just keep my head above water.  I'm sure most parents with little ones at home know exactly what I'm talking about.  I'm sometimes just happy to get out the door on time in the morning...the rest is just bonus!

That having been said, as the seasons change...I think it's natural that I start to think about what can keep me motivated and positive.  Motivation and positivity go hand in hand for me...and let's face it, those things are directly correlated to running these days. So, summer is behind me.  The Army Run is behind me. Now...what else?  Do I sign up for another race right away?  Or is it better to take a break?!

Hubby and I have been talking about planning a trip to Vegas all year...and we are finally going to do it.  We're going to time it around the Vegas Rock and Roll race and I've registered for the half!  It will be a first time for Vegas for me...and it will certainly be a huge adventure...we haven't really done a trip like this before together...and it will certainly be the longest time we've been away from our daughter. That having been said...I think the timing will be good...we have been needing some "couple" time...and part of me is pretty excited and anxious about doing a race like this...in completely unknown territory!  I'm doing the run early on in our trip so then we can enjoy the rest of the time together, enjoying the sites!

As far as goals for the Vegas run...I think I will approach it similar to how I approached the Army Run.  I didn't have a set time goal...I have a range I'd like to be in...but it's more important for me at this point, to finish strong and finish feeling good.  Speed may come...or it may never, I'm not sure.  For now, I feel strong and I feel good...and that's what will keep me runnin' for the long haul! ;)

Army Run

Well, the Army Run has come and gone...what an amazing race!

While it doesn't seem like it should have been my first half (probably because I ran ATB this year!), the Army Run marked my first "official" half marathon!

It was a thrilling race to take part in...I was a bundle of nerves because I was honestly a bit unsure of how ready I was for it. 

This summer, a big lesson I learned was:  I'm not a summer-weather runner.  With my little one, getting out the door in the morning during the week doesn't work AT ALL so by the time the evenings rolled around, I found it just too hot to put in the miles needed outdoors.  So,  I definitely did more treadmill time than I planned...but...all in all, I figured that I would do my best and stay optimistic.

The weather ended up being gorgeous....a bit overcast but cool.  Some people at the start line were wearing long sleeves (I even saw a couple of touques and mittens!) but I stuck with capries and a tank...because I knew after the first few kms, I'd be just comfortable.  I was right...probably around the 5 km mark, most people who had layers were peeling them off and tying their coats around their waists.

The route was beautiful...relatively flat with a few gradual inclines here and there.  Seeing the injured soldiers running was nothing short of inspring.  It was definitely a reminder that there really are no excuses for not getting your run in.  These men and women are absoutely my heroes. 

I didn't have a set game plan for the run--probably not a great idea--but I took short 30 sec walk breaks when I felt like I needed them (around every 2 kms) and kept my pace fairly steady and consistent.  I crossed the finish line at 2:14:32!!!

 I had no time goal really...earlier in the summer, my knee had started to bother me so I had started to slow my pace a bit...that having been said, I'm very happy with this time.  While training for ATB, the first time I had attempted 21.1 km, I ran it in 2:29, a few months after that, I had ran it in 2:18 in a training run.  I suppose in the back of my head I had wanted to try and crack 2:20 but I also went into the Army Run realistically knowing that I didn't have the mileage where I had hoped...and my only true goal was finish strong.  I did finish strong...I felt great and was able to boot it in the last kilometer which is always a fabulous feeling!

Now to figure out what to sign up for next! ;)

When someone calls you "fatty"...

Well, it's been an interesting week.  I was automatically reminded why no matter how far you think you've come, you can be instantly brought back to the past in a matter of a second.  An acquaintance of mine was half-assed joking early this week, when he breezed by me, saying:  "Hey Fatty!". 

Okay.  Logical me knows it is ridiculous to be bothered by this for even a second.  And I know that he was trying to be a smart-ass.  But it stung and felt like a huge slap.  In fact, you could have slapped 70 lbs right back on me, and threw me back in time.

I was never a "fat" child...but I was definitely bigger...always taller, always just bigger.  I longed to be petite and delicate but that was never me.  I was always back row, middle in all class pictures.  And I hated it.  Weight wasn't so much of a sensitive issue as size overall.  And...let's face it, kids are mean. And they were.

Me, in kindergarten, just realizing that some kids are mean.  Perhaps I was also just finding out that big bows are NOT all the rage...even in 1982:

But I digress. 

As I've mentioned in previous posts, I have worked particularly hard since having my little one in January 2010.  Not only did I realize that I needed to shed the baby weight...but I needed to shed the extra pounds that had slowly creeped up through high school, university, and beyond.  I really was sick of feeling "big"...and having Emma also made me realize that I wanted to live and be an active, awesome example for her.  Everyday.

In 2011, I committed to changes and lost close to 70 lbs.  I'm proud of this. And I've worked hard for it. And I feel like I've done it in the right way.  No gimmicks.  Just hard work.  I haven't been perfect by any means, but consistency, not perfection, is what brought me here. 

Me, August 2010                                   Me, August 2011

Not the greatest of pictures...but you get the idea.  Looking at the "before" is hard because I definitely was in denial about how big I was...and a comment like "Hey Fatty" would have devastated me then, now it stings but I think it reminds me of how, not that long ago, that same person wouldn't have exactly been "jokingly" saying those words.

Guess that's the difference, now, isn't it?  I'm angry.  I'm mad.  I'm mad at myself that  I could let those two words affect me so.  But it also reminded me that people who say these comments would say it to anyone, no matter what their size, no matter what the circumstance.   There is some comfort in other people's douchery.

I suppose I'd like to go back and tell my much younger self this too.  And I definitely will be making sure Emma always knows this:  she's beautiful, she's amazing, and  nothing anyone can say or do can change that.  It's taking me a looooong time to start to understand this. Truly understanding it.  And I'm still reminding myself of this on almost a daily basis.

On a lighter, more positive note.  As frustrating and maddening as these words were, they inspired me to have a great week.  Last night, I ran the fastest 10km time I ever have (55:25!) and it felt amazing.  I couldn't help but think of last week's bully.  And all the bullies before. Sucks to be you!

Until next time...



Finding my way...

I admit, I've been feeling a little off kilter lately.  The everyday stresses of trying to balance work and being a wife and mom have felt more overwhelming than usual.   I'm sure most people can relate to the feeling of...well, for lack of better terms...living a "half-assed" life. Somedays, I'm just glad I remembered to brush my hair before leaving the house.  Going through the motions the last few weeks seems to be where I've been at as of late.

That being said, a good friend of mine told me something last year, shortly after I went back to work after my maternity leave and it's something I keep reminding myself, especially when I've been feeling this way:  "Allow yourself to feel what you feel, and move on." 

It's so true. It's simple but it has resonated with me for a few reasons. It sounds a little crazy but a big part of what ends up stresses me out is the fact that I stew and worry about being stressed out! It's a vicious cycle and for me...I know that I can be my own worst enemy emotionally. Like my friend pointed out...sometimes, half the battle is accepting that not everyday is going to be fantastic.   And you might even have weeks that aren't fantastic.  And that's okay. 

So, yeah, I've been going through the motions lately.  I'll admit it.  And with that, I'd even admit that even my runs have felt uninspired.  I've been feeling sluggish and just wanting to get them done and over with (mind you, always end up feeling a bit better but still...).  Anyway, this past weekend I felt that I was able to relax, regroup, and not only that, I had a great run. 

This was a shot I took on my way around the lakeshore route that I enjoy....

As I was thinking about the post I wanted to write, it seems that this picture is more than appropriate.  I'm ready to move on from how I have been feeling the last few weeks.  It wasn't the first time I felt that way and it won't be the last but I know that around the corner, there will be a new day, a fresh start, and a better run. 

Surviving Holidays...

My hubs and I took the past week off.  We didn't have any definite plans but ended up going to Niagara Falls for 3 days with our little one.  The weather ended up being TERRIBLE which wouldn't have necessarily been that bad had we been travelling with out a toddler...but a road trip with a toddler and with major limitations in outdoor activities...not FUN!  Who would have figured on running into snow/hail for holidays planned near the end of April.  ARGH!

Anyway, c'est la vie.  We got back home mid-week and have enjoyed a "staycation" of sorts.  Did some work around the house and relaxed.

I'm happy to say that even while on holidays, I still got in a 26 km week.  I'd like to say that I was overly motivated and energetic, but I think the cute new running clothes that I picked up in Niagara Falls helped more...I really wanted to try them out!  Meh, whatever works, I guess! ;)

A run to remember...

I went for a great 10km run mid-week and took a route that I often take.  It sounds a little strange but it takes me past the cemetery where my brother is buried.  My passing by the cemetry gets me thinking everytime.

My brother died very suddenly when he was just 32 years old (and I was 18).  Sixteen years later, the pain is still there like a dull ache just under the surface.  It's definitely hard not to think about the "what ifs" and the "whys". 

Soon after it happened and even now, I never got any comfort from visiting his gravesite.  I find it more comforting looking to the sky (yes, it sounds juvenile, I know...), or pouring over old pictures or just thinking about past, funny things that he said or did. 

He died when I admit, I was still a selfish teenager.  As I ran by the cemetry the other day, I couldn't help but think about how much I've changed since that moment.... and I'd like to think he'd be proud.  I think he would love my husband like a brother (both die-hard Habs fans) and I know he would adore and spoil our daugther beyond belief.  I think he'd be in awe of how much I've taken to running...and I think he would teasingly call me "crazy" as any big brother really should.

Losing my brother was really difficult, and right when it happened, I instantly learned how unfair and fragile life can be.  It's taken me a few years to learn to try and truly appreciate the life you have, rather than feel sorry for yourself for the one you think you're stuck with.

As I run by the cemetery, I don't stop.  Not because I'm afraid or because I'm in denial...but because I know that he'd want me to keep going.  To keep moving.  To keep living.